Welcome To The Afterlife

Close The Pearly Gates behind you and have your paperwork to hand

We apologise for the delays but we’re experiencing exceptional demand

This is due to war and famine and the fact that the earth’s on fire 

We’re open seven days a week and reservations aren’t required 

The lifts are out of order while they await celestial repairs

For those who need assistance you are in our thoughts and prayers 

You can leave your urns and coffins for recycling at reception 

Wings must be worn by guests at all times without exception 

All electronic devices should now be switched to flight mode for eternity

Again we offer our apologies but you’ll get used to it eventually